Hi Varindar

Another good letter. This time all your tenses were correct, well done. There were a couple of spelling errors and places where the word needed to be plural. You will be able to use these correctly in the future I’m sure. The main error was the correct use of the words ‘however‘ and ‘moreover‘. These are great words to use in work correspondence and you should continue to use them. Here are some notes to help you use these words correctly:

However‘ is used as a linking word to join two sentences together. It can also be used in the following sentence to give an indication of contrast or opposition to what has been said in the previous sentence. In your letter here you moved from talking about light bulbs to your office being used as a pathway. As there was no connection between your two thoughts here you needed to use the word ‘Also’ instead to indicate an additional problem.

Morevover‘ is used to introduce a piece of information that adds to or supports what you have said in a previous sentence. Again in this letter, you moved from talking about people using your office as a pathway to talking about the banging of doors. As there was no connection between your two thoughts here you needed to use the word ‘in addition‘ instead to indicate an additional problem. You can’t use ‘also‘ because you have used that word in the previous paragraph to indicate a new problem.

It was good to see that you had planned your letter but of course you wouldn’t show the words ‘Intro’, P1, P1, Conclusion when sending a letter so in future you don’t need to show them in the version you send me either.

Using the words ‘Firstly’, ‘Secondly’ was excellent and used correctly so do you use these in future to indicate your different ideas. If you use the word ‘firstly‘ you don’t need to use ‘to start with‘  as this means the same thing. Your letter also flowed nicely and I could follow your thoughts through the letter.

See my detailed feedback below. The first document (Edited Version) has the editing marks so that you can try and correct your work yourself. The second document (Corrected Version) is the corrected version so that you can see the corrections I have suggested.

Claire

Edited Version

 

Corrected Version