A good letter with some verb tense errors and a couple of words I couldn’t read. There were also some simple errors you can easily correct if you remember them in the future, these are:
1. Don’t start a sentence with ‘but’ or ‘because’ as these are linking words to us in the middle of a sentence.
2. You don’t need to use the phrase ‘over there‘ in the sentences where you have used them. You only use this phrase to indicate something in the distance from where you are standing.
3. Remember the correct spelling is ‘their‘ to mean = they belong to. ‘There‘ is to mean a place.
You used some good words and phrases such as ‘quite’, ‘actually’, ‘as you know’, ‘after that’, ‘overall’, ‘moreover’.
I look forward to reading more of your writing as I think once you are aware of your errors you should improve quickly.
For my detailed feedback see the first document (Edited Version) below which has the editing marks so that you can try and correct your work yourself. The second document (Corrected Version) is the corrected version so that you can see the corrections I have suggested.