A nice essay. All your tenses were correct which is great. Keep up the good work in this area. A lot of the errors as you will see are very simple ones which if you remember to correct them in the future will reduce your overall errors substantially. These are:
- Use plurals when you need to
- Do not start a sentence with ‘and’
- Use a capital letter for proper nouns ( a name for a particular person, place, or thing) this includes special events such as Christmas, Jesus Christ.
Other errors to note in the essay are:
Once you have said ‘in my country, Ghana‘ you don’t need to use this phrase again and if it is clear in your writing that you are still talking about things in Ghana you don’t need to say Ghana again in the essay. Only if you were comparing different things between Ghana and say Australia you may have to write “Ghana’ so the reader knows which country you are talking about.
You had 3-4 spelling errors so again check those and remember them for next time you use them.
As you used ‘and also‘ a couple of times you need to think of an alternative word or phrase to use. You could use ‘in addition‘ or ‘furthermore‘ or ‘as well‘.
You used some really good words and phrases such as: ‘for instance’, ‘however’, ‘original meaning’, ‘through watching’, ‘exchange’, excessive’, ‘social vices’.
You have the important basics in your writing: using the correct the tenses and good vocabulary so with a little more work to ensure your spellings are correct, plurals and capital letters used when needed and not starting a sentence with ‘and’ you will see much improvement in your writing.
For my detailed feedback see below. The first document (Edited Version) has the editing marks so that you can try and correct your work yourself. The second document (Corrected Version) is the corrected version so that you can see the corrections I have suggested.
Reading: I see you got 6/8 for your reading homework which is ok. Only 1 & 2 were incorrect but you will need to keep practising the readings which will get easier as you start to understand the format they use in the IELTS Test.