Hi Emmanuel

A very good essay Emmanuel. This is the standard of essay you need to write in your test. As you can see you had one whole paragraph with no errors – well done.

There were only 1-2 tense errors. Writing in the correct tense is vital in the test to get the highest marks so keep up the good work in this area. The rest of the errors were simple ones which can be easily corrected and if remembered in subsequent essays will reduce your errors. These are:

  1. Spelling errors: satisfaction, Easter, etc., special, instance, establishing.
  2. Using plurals where needed: clothes, celebrations, purposes, these
  3. Phrasing errors: The correct way for these phrases are: ‘very expensive’, ‘lose its value’, ‘statements of its purpose’.
  4. Word Count: You wrote 228 words. You will lose marks in the test if you don’t write a minimum of 250 words so make sure you write this amount. Count your words in the test.

Planning: It was clear you had given some thought to what you were going to write before you wrote your essay so again keep this planning up before writing as it makes a difference in the content and flow of the essay.

See below for my detailed feedback. The first document (Edited Version) has the editing marks so that you can try and correct your work yourself. The second document (Corrected Version) is the corrected version so that you can see the corrections I have suggested.

Claire

 

Edited Version

Corrected Version