Hi Courage

A good attempt to answer the essay question. Your writing is good except for the following:

  • Check when to use ‘country‘ and ‘countries‘ – When we use the word ‘every‘ in front we use the singular noun ‘country‘. When we use the word ‘other‘ in front we use the plural noun ‘countries‘. If you use the word ‘another‘ in front you would use the singular noun ‘country‘.
  • Check the spelling of government. There is an ‘n’ in the middle of the word.
  • Try and used other words for the basic common word big: e.g large, huge, enormous etc…
  • Don’t forget capital letters for the name of companies: Instagram, What’s App etc….
  • If you are using a third-person singular e.g he, she, it, the government, the media, social media etc remember to add an ‘s’ on the end of the verb:  includes, controls, respects, misleads. If you use the word does not or should if front then you don’t add an ‘s’ as you correctly wrote in your essay.
  • Instead of using the words young ones it would be better to use children or young people.

As you can see your errors are mainly those above the rest of the language you used in the essay was good.

Content

Where you need to concentrate now is on the content. Some of your sentences were contradictory:

I do not think government do not have the right to control the media.

Also the freedom of media is a kind of human right.

BUT you then say:

It is good if the government controls the media

and at the end you said

To conclude, the government should control the media

Try and plan a little more before you write so that your ideas and opinions are clear and also use examples of your own experience to support why you have those ideas and opinions.

See my suggested changes below.

Claire